The loss of "My Best Friend"

I Don't know what else to do right now but write. It is what has always kept me sane.  
Yesterday I had to say goodbye to my dog, Allee.  While most of you will think "it's just a dog.. get over it", Let me assure you that it is not that easy.  
Not ever having a dog growing up, but being a huge animal lover, I did not know what to expect when we decided in October of 1999 to get our dog.  The story goes, we looked in the paper and found someone selling them, Rob surprised me ( on a Buffalo Sabres Hockey game night... of all things) and said well let's go see them. We drove that evening all the way out to North Collins.... When the pups came out.. there was just something about this particular little fuzz head. Not the biggest.. not the "most beautiful" but something about her. She cried and puked the whole way home.... We should have known at that point!! LOL

This is the only baby picture I have of her BC it was all before the "digital" age.  As I said, I never had owned a dog, but make no mistake of how quickly I fell in love with her.  She was SUCH a naughty puppy.... she got into and chewed everything. Our Coffee table had rounded edges when she was done with it, I had very few shoes left... etc. Of course, after some time we realized that most of that was because we both worked and she was home alone most of the time and bored.  She quickly earned the nickname "Mud" because she loved getting dirty.  Most weekends would end with her looking like this After having to take a bath all the time.

 Jump ahead a while and she became the Stick and Frisbee queen.  She loved nothing more than going out back and running after the stick we threw....and then quickly becoming distracted and chasing down whatever other scent she found in the fields. We often used to laugh and joke about how we would just see her tail wagging in the fields as she did what she loved to do.  It soon became obvious that she was quickly becoming "My Dog"... IDK how it happened but she was always happiest with Mommy.  

She loved Daddy too....

Anyway.... Allee was my Thunderstorm Buddy, and by that I mean that we were cowering, shaky, scared of storms together. I NEVER, EVER have liked thunderstorms, and have always been afraid of them, and to find that my "best friend" was going to be a baby with me? WOW!! Granted..... she went to LITTLE more extremes than me, but still.  As she got older she would get really sick for days whenever there was a storm, and I would stay up with her no matter what assuring her that everything would be ok.... thus helping me through some bad storms. My kids were never afraid of storms, I never had to comfort them, but this baby... WOW.

She loved to snuggle in bed with us....

I will move on... When it became clear that the time was near that I was going to have to say goodbye, I swore that I would never keep her here for me, I would always do what is best for her. I feel like I stayed true to that.  When it became evident that she was not going to recover from her latest ailment, I decided, ok let's go, and we did.  I will not get into details because I believe that it something very private; but when the time came, she went in 6 seconds... SIX seconds. Now tell me, who was holding onto whom? I just hope and pray that in her last weeks she was not suffering. I don't think she was. 

That all seemed like the easy part now. Now is the hard part. 13 years of having a routine with her and knowing her every move. If i got up, she got up, if I sat dawn, she sat down.... if I had popcorn, she would be right there. She went out with me every morning to have coffee.  Today was the first time that didn't happen. I feel like I am missing something every time I move around. She isn't there. She was the most neurotic and crazy dog, but as I quickly found out, many many people loved her.  She was "Allee Dog"!!

As I move on without her, I will cherish all the memories with her,  I think that we gave her a great life, and I hope that she thought so too.  It is so damn hard... This HAS to be the worst part of pet ownership. I have heard that there is just "Something about that first Dog"..... It is soooo true. 

She will forever hold a place in my heart.

"Stephanie's Miss Allee Baby" was her AKC name... 
"Allee Dog" is who she became - August 1999 - July 2012

"Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives."